i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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