she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
