She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
