Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
