the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
