Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
