I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
