Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
