Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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