saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
