well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
