I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
