I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just high enough for therapy.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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