a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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