get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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