You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
