Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
