What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
