yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
