My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
