After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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