Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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