...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
