i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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