Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
