My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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