My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
