i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
