my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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