shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
