Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
