I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
