So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
