The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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