Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
