I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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