The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
