I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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