hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The beer is more important than you right now.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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