if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
