Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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