now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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