Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize