i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we're making bets on your personal life
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
