it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
