I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
