I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Watching her eat just hurts me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize