Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
