I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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