He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sext me about skeletons
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
