My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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