he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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