i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
