He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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