my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize