i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
