I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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