Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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