...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
