Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you still have your period?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
