Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
